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<title>the eternity of brotherhood by candied_stupidity (efflorescent_idiocy)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26939425">the eternity of brotherhood</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/efflorescent_idiocy/pseuds/candied_stupidity'>candied_stupidity (efflorescent_idiocy)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Miya Twins Week 2020 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Character Death, Gen, I'd Say I'm Sorry but I'm not, Introspection, Metaphors</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:34:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>987</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26939425</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/efflorescent_idiocy/pseuds/candied_stupidity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Contrary to what he believed in high school, Atsumu needs his memories.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Miya Atsumu &amp; Miya Osamu, Miya Atsumu/Suna Rintarou, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Miya Twins Week 2020 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1944265</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Miya Twins Week 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the eternity of brotherhood</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Hands are the most important things in his life.</em>
</p>
<p>His are expertly maintained, big, and, others have told him, freezing. They set, spike, serve, live and breathe volleyball just as he does. His hands define his life, and so, they always tell the truth.</p>
<p>Some people tell truths with their eyes, their mouths, their faces. He rarely does the same.</p>
<p>Others' hands are important too. Kita-san's tend to rice plants, careful and diligent as he always is. His mother's cook food, now the best in Japan. Sakusa's twist, rocketing volleyballs across the gym.</p>
<p>The hands that circle in and out of his life often impact him more than the people do, and it's because of his twin, as it always is.</p>
<p>There is no other way he could have learned, because as different as they are, they began the same way, and they grow in tandem. They had learned how to read people's hands through each other.</p>
<p>'Samu's hands had always betrayed what he was thinking, just like his own hands. Their hands were honest when their mouths said things they didn't mean a word of.</p>
<p>They apologized, words stirred into broth and steamed into rice. Comforted, all the heavy words condensed into a hard smack (it usually hurt just as much as it helped).</p>
<p>Hands have said the message 'Samu was unwilling to, because nothing about him was gentle, on or off the court.</p>
<p>
  <em>(There was little that was gentle about Atsumu, but his softness had always hidden with 'Samu, tucked away like a turtle in its shell.)</em>
</p>
<p>They have always been able to understand each other - their hands have always said what they needed to. They fit perfectly, the only people who knew their ragged edges and the few safe paths through thorny walls, if they could be called paths at all.</p>
<p>'Samu had lowered them for Sunarin, even though he was not a perfect match, even though nobody would ever fit him as well as Atsumu. Atsumu had yet to find anybody who was willing to hack through.</p>
<p>(He had been born with his walls up, and he wasn't letting them down any time soon.)</p>
<p>His high school volleyball club's motto had been, <em>we don't need memories.</em> He'd said it too, laughed at movie stars on TV who agonized over break ups. He'd always believed it, <em>we don't need memories.</em></p>
<p>(He'd believed it because he thought he could make new ones)</p>
<p>The rest of the team had laughed and said, "You'll need them someday."</p>
<p>Now, he thinks it's ironic, maybe even funny if it wasn't him.</p>
<p>
  <em>(He just wishes it wasn't him.)</em>
</p>
<p>It is the way it was, but Atsumu wishes it wasn't. He wishes they'd talked out loud.</p>
<p>He thinks, ruefully, that he's never heard Osamu say, <em>"I love you."</em></p>
<p><em>We don't need memories,</em> he'd said, and it was mostly true. He wouldn't have needed any of the other memories if he'd been able to keep the sound of 'Samu saying it. (Never mind that he would still need a memory)</p>
<p>He thinks 'Samu could have lived on just that memory, too. The difference is, Atsumu's said it. And perhaps once, he could have imagined it, but now?</p>
<p>He tries, and he fails. He has heard that the first thing you forget about someone is their voice, and he thinks it is almost true, but he has forgotten the feeling of 'Samu's hands.</p>
<p>His hunger rears, plants itself down and demands for more. <em>Now,</em> it says. <em>I need more than that, and I need it now.</em></p>
<p>He's tired of his hunger.</p>
<p>Atsumu has never had a great memory, but he wishes he had one like an elephant's, so he could hold tight to each moment and never let go. Then he could, maybe, remember what it sounded like when their mother made them say, "I love you," after fights.</p>
<p>There are so many that are slipping away, and so many he's already forgotten.</p>
<p><em>We don't need memories,</em> he'd said, but he does now. There's no one to make them with - they're all he has.</p>
<p>There are no more hands that used to match his. When he looks into the mirror, the face he sees isn't his own. The edges that fit perfectly against his own are gone. (The soft part of his heart shivers, cold without 'Samu's warmth.)</p>
<p>Osamu is gone - for the very first time, Atsumu is alone. He had everything he'd ever wanted, everything he's ever hoped for except the thing he'd always had, the thing he still needs.</p>
<p>It's irony (it's <em>sickening).</em></p>
<p>Humans are social creatures, and Atsumu does not know what he will do now that he's alone. He raises a hand to his cheek, and realizes that he's started to cry without noticing.</p>
<p>Society has popularized the idea of a lone wolf, but they are much more likely to die or return to their pack. Atsumu has no pack to turn to, and nothing to kill him. Where will he go?</p><hr/>
<p>In the end, he lowers his walls for Sunarin, just like his brother did. They are not romantic, but they loved his twin, and they love each other for him.</p>
<p>Atsumu is no longer a lone wolf. He is a jackal, a fox, a dragon, Sunarin's partner, but most of all, he is not alone.</p>
<p>Sunarin's hands have never matched his own, but they have calluses like 'Samu's and nails cut the exact same way. He keeps Atsumu's softness for 'Samu just the same, guards it just as well, even if he isn't quite as warm or solid.</p>
<p>Their raw edges don't match up, but 'Samu is a cushion in between, and nobody gets hurt anymore.</p>
<p>'Samu is in most things, these days. He's in tuna-mayo onigiri, in his favorite sweaters, in Sunarin's eyes and his own damn face.</p>
<p>Atsumu likes it.</p>
<p>He still needs those memories, but he has someone to help him remember them now.</p>
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